'in the meantime, in between time......'

There’s nothing quite like the soft whirring of coffee machines and the comforting waft of freshly baked muffins. Cafes and coffee houses induce a unique sense of peace – a personal drug of sorts, and as a self proclaimed creature of company, it’s almost strange how I can sit for hours in solitude with just a book and music for company, just losing myself in the atmosphere. It’s almost like a movie, with your stereotypical caricatures wandering in and out, as if acting out a scene. There’s that regular that everyone seems to know, brightening the energy of the room just by walking in; there’s the kindly old man sitting in the corner with his breakfast bagel, there’s the ever-reliable waiter, there with a smile and energetic hello. Everyone is in their own world yet collectively playing out a scene so familiar and probably echoed across the world in hundreds of coffee houses at exactly this same instance and that’s something quite out of this world if you stop and think about it.

Being the new kid on the black, I love disappearing into my little corner, imprinting myself against the wall and just observing and watching and letting the little antics of everyone dance off my eyes. There’s no need for words, there’s an understanding that everyone has a purpose here, even the guy asleep on the couch. No one is scorned upon, just looked upon with gentle amusement because that’s just the way it is here. Relaxed and accepting, no pressing rush or need to do something or get shit done, time is always on your side and peace spreads over like a warm blanket.

Maybe I’m getting too sentimental and emotional but I love it here and I just know I’m gonna be devastated to leave. I know its not forever but still it’s the end of a chapter in my life – an experience that I will never get back, but will forever live on in my mind. The people and faces that have grown so familiar will become memories and wisps of the mind – so real yet not quite anymore. I treasure every moment I have here and just want to spend them with people that matter, doing things that matter and I want to be able to get on that plane with no regrets and only joy and gratitude over the things I’ve done and the people I’ve met

I really believe that people walk into your life at a point when you need them and whoever’s there right now with you is meant to be there, and you have something to learn from each other. At that precise moment, at that precise time, you needed each other, and when its time to let go and say goodbye, you can only hope that whatever purpose you two had to fulfill to each other has been served and you’re both better people because of it. There’s so many people I can think of that made an impact in my life here and it’s gonna be challenging to pen down my thoughts for each and every one of them but I’m sure as hell gonna try. Too soon this will all be over and as badly as I want to, I’ll never remember, or be able to experience precise moments with the clarity and reality that I have now and that, more than anything else scares the crap out of me.

Whatever it is, no regrets over anything This was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I know for a fact that I’ve grown so much as a person, done more than I ever thought I could, and handled myself better than I ever imagined. I know now that I am bigger than my problems, and that I have the strength and ability to overcome whatever is thrown my way. I know I have a killer support system, and no scarcity of people who love me and only want the best for me, and who truly understand me and what makes me happy or sad, and what I truly need. Somehow that means more to me than anything else and being someone who’s always here there and everywhere, that is something I really cherish because it’s so easy to feel alone and lost in a new place, and surrounded by people who are technically ‘friends’ but who you know haven’t the faintest idea who you are as a person. That connection is priceless and when you find it, no matter where in the world you are, you know that all the shit, all the superficial people, and all the flighty acquaintances before were worthwhile challenges because it all led to this special connection. I honestly think I could go through life just looking for people I can really connect to and sometimes it sucks that I’m never in one place for long because I just want to gather all these people up in a blanket and huddle in a room with them and never let them go because each and every one of them is just so precious and you gave them a part of yourself forever.

So the countdown begins and I’m all ready for it. I hate the idea of leaving but yet I can’t help feeling excited that I’ll be seeing everyone back home so soon. Its so close I can almost feel it and I just know I’m gonna be a crying, sobbing mess, both on the plane and at the airport when I see my family and friends – everyone who has been faithfully cheering me on while I’m away in a foreign land, always ready to lend a listening ear, knock some sense into me, and just be there when I needed a piece of home to keep me sane. Just so much love for the world right now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There can never be too much love to give and receive ever. J

I want, I hope, I wish, help me to see the truth and the light. No more haze, no more doubts and prickly jolts of tears. I deserve to smile, I deserve to have something that makes me feel worthwhile and safe and good. Respect who I am, and not settle for anything that makes me feel less than completely secure at peace because there is a path and plan waiting out there and everything that happens in the meantime is part of a larger picture, something almost ethereal and abstract, but there nonetheless, and will be revealed when it should, and not a moment before. Trust and have strength and it’ll all be all right because it always is in the end. 

Knowing that everything is in a constant state of flux is not the most comforting piece of fact to have running through your mind. Constant is an ideal, we strive toward it and pin all our hopes on the dream that someday, somehow, change will be a thing of the past, and everything in the moment here and now will always remain. Change is not bad, not ugly, not entirely horrible. But there still is that slight discomfort associated with the unknown, and change is simply that – an unknown. Good or bad, if you cant know for sure what to expect, it remains unsettling and unsettling sits well with no one. 

Always puts a smile on my face even on the worst of days. 

So I’ve been here approximately 1 week and so far its been quite an experience. San Francisco is lovely, and there has been so many moments where it almost seemed unreal, so beautifully picturesque, with some of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. There’s so many things to see, so much to do, and I don’t ever want to look back on this experience with regret, or a missed opportunity so I’m out and about everyday, sightseeing, and immersing myself in anything and everything quintessentially san Francisco. Like now for instance, I sitting in Jumpin’ Java Coffee house, a charming little cafe nestled in the famed Castro District, with a group of random people, who are part of a weekly meetup called ‘Shut Up and Write’, a chance for people who want to write but never seem to be able to find the time or discipline to actually sit down and do it. I thought it’ll be perfect for some blog writing and its actually quite comforting to just be sitting, not talking to anyone and write whatever comes to mind, knowing that everyone around you in doing just the same thing. And to top it all off, the café serves awesome cinnamon apple cider that I fully intend to replicate back at the dorms tonight with Anna J 

Before anything slips past my overfilled mind, I thought I should reminisce on some of the highlights of my exchange so far. Getting to San Francisco was a relief in itself after being stuck in Tokyo for over 24 hours. When I saw the Golden Gate Bridge from my little pigeonhole window in the plane, I almost couldn’t believe I had made it but there you go. I cant help but think that god or someone up there must have been watching over me this entire time because every obstacle I faced, there was always someone there to help me through it, keep me company, or just go that extra mile to make sure that everything turned out alright. There was the extra friendly Japanese people in the airport, and at the hotel, funny little Julian who somehow ended up at the deserted hotel with me after being chucked off his plane as well, and agreed to watch eat pray love with me, Alex, the grandfather incarnate I met at the airport who kept me company until my plane took off. It was scary being stuck in an unknown place, but I guess people do appear in your life when you really need someone or somebody to talk to.

Maybe after spending 24 hours in Tokyo wishing I was in SF, the culture shock when I got here wasn’t as bad as it might have been because I was just so dam happy to have finally reached. Everything was well organized and smooth-sailing when I got there, the International Student Services Team picked us up, got us into a shuttle and back to the dorms in record speed, and I had just enough time to leave my numerous bags before catching a bus to meet some of the other international students downtown. I t was seriously cold though, and I think that made me a little sad even though SF is lovely nonetheless but I think I’m getting used to the cold. In any case, there’s no longer the all consuming urge to scream and crawl into a hole whenever the wind hits, so I’m taking that as a good sign.

The international students are a funny and interesting bunch, and it’s been an exciting week traipsing around SF with them, getting lost, arguing over places to eat and getting confused with the weird US coins. As expected, life is something like a huge party over here, and while its been fun for the past week, I’m trying to resist the constant partying, and the ‘lets do shots!’ nights because there’s just so many other things to explore here in SF, theres free concerts, gallery openings, book launches, festivals about anything and everything, and I think once school starts I’m gonna try and go for as many of these events as I can and not just waste the rest of the exchange partying away. It’s weird though, I don’t mind going places alone here. Normally in a new place, I’m always hanging around other people, and not wanting to venture out by myself, but its different here. It feels safe, and peaceful, and with Google maps on the iphone nothing can go wrong, or at least nothing has so far J 

So I think that’s all I can do for now, Some highlights to talk about in the next (hopefully soon) post include:

1)    One Night in Castro

2)    The Oh So Fabulous Orientation

Take Care Everyone!

“Iceland is kinda like that point in the relationship where you suddenly realize its not gonna last forever, you can see the end in sight.”

“But we’re not even there yet, we’re not even sick of each other yet.”

                             We’re still at the good part.

Nostalgia hits like warm blanket, and you try to ignore the longing, and scattered sights and sounds but yet the feeling is just so comfortable and impossible to tear away from. Its a double edged sword, letting nostalgia drown me feels so good and yet there is the unmistakable tug i know will bring me to a dark place if this keeps up. The past is beautiful and i never want to lose what i hold so dear but maybe there might be beauty before us too.

You never know if your dreams are possible if you never try….

teachingliteracy:

bookworm73

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane 
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain 
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye 
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes 

They say Spain is pretty though I’ve never been 
Well Daniel says it’s the best place that he’s ever seen 
Oh and he should know, he’s been there enough 
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much 

Daniel my brother you are older than me 
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal 
Your eyes have died but you see more than I 
Daniel you’re a star in the face of the sky 

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane 
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain 
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye 
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes 
Oh God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes